Thursday, October 1, 2009

From the Inside Out

My eight-hour long visit to the Dana Farber yesterday began in the basement level of the building where Nuclear Medicine is housed and where I reported for my second heart MUGA test to look at the function of my heart. First they removed a small vial of blood, made me wait 15 minutes while they injected it with a radioactive substance, and then reinjected it back into me. The MUGA machine is similar to an MRI but not so claustrophobic and it is noiseless. It requires being flat on your back for 45 minutes so I planned well and set my I-Pod to play my favorites list in random order. About 20 minutes into the test, a familiar contemporary Christian song titled "From the Inside Out" began to play. As the refrain crescendoed, the words jumped out at me and took on new meaning.

My heart and my soul

I give you control

Consume me from the inside out Lord

Let justice and faith

Become my embrace

To love you from the inside out

Everlasting, your light will shine

When all else fails

Never-ending, your glory goes

Beyond all faith

And the cry of my heart

Is to bring you grace

From the inside out Lord

My soul cries out

From the inside out Lord

My soul cries out to you

The MUGA machine was peering inside my body, looking at my heart beating. It occurred to me that God sees me inside out, God sees my heart beating and my tumor shrinking. The song plunged me into a heartfelt prayer like never before--a prayer to embrace the rest of this journey with a renewed sense of God's everlasting light and never-ending glory.

I've been on the lookout for God's provision since the early days after my diagnosis and have no doubt hearing this song from my random favorites list was not coincidence. I call it a God-incident and I am deeply grateful for the experience.

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